Cardella: An Xfinity Story – South Philly Evaluate

So, final week I wrote about me and my BP. This week’s column offers with one of the vital important causes for hypertension — Xfinity. Earlier than you’re compelled to spend hours on the cellphone with Xfinity, you could as effectively double your BP drugs and order a brand new blood strain machine. Slightly background is so as.

I’ve two Xfinity accounts. One is for the cable service in our condominium. The opposite is cable for service in my son’s condominium. The 2 accounts are separate. They’re billed individually. Each payments are in my title. They’re mailed to my handle. I’ve by no means missed a fee on both account. I’m not searching for a medal for paying on time. All I ask is that in return I obtain some competent service from Xfinity. All I ask from you, pricey reader, is that whilst you learn this column, you’ll remember my hypertension. And say slightly prayer for me — with apologies to Hal David and Burt Bacharach.

Final week it was determined that we might avoid wasting cash by dropping Xfinity service at one condominium. So I referred to as Xfinity. Talked to Paul. Requested him to substantiate that my service would NOT be affected. Paul confirmed the right account could be disconnected. My service was to stay intact.

So it was that one morning final week, I used to be woke up by the ringing of my landline cellphone. I did what I all the time do finest. I let my spouse reply it. It turned out that regardless of my cellphone name to Xfinity the day earlier than, they had been within the technique of reducing off my service.

It was the start of a six-and-a-half-hour cellphone name, if you happen to rely time consumed throughout a number of disconnections. There have been to be further mysterious disconnections alongside the way in which. A thought occurred to me. Why ought to I preserve Comcast’s cellphone service after they can’t preserve their very own calls from dropping?

Right here’s the setting. I used to be on an extension whereas my spouse Fran used the principle cellphone. Fran has a ritual that she insists upon. She asks the Xfinity rep her title and the place she’s calling from. This inevitably leads right into a dialogue about what the climate is like within the rep’s metropolis of origin and typically digresses right into a comparability of constitution versus public colleges.

I can’t sugar coat it. In the course of the subsequent a number of hours, my spouse performed Luke Skywalker. Xfinity was Darth Vader. I merely targeting maintaining my blood strain from exploding. My spouse raised her voice to a degree that might’ve been too excessive for a Metropolitan Opera tryout. Her inventive use of profanity rivaled a longshoreman’s. She was a profane Valkyrie. An avenging angel. Beth on YELLOWSTONE. She refused to simply accept the phony politeness on the opposite finish. The cellphone name morphed right into a serene second of give up by Xfinity with my spouse demanding a 12 months’s price of free cable, a large reimbursement personally delivered from Brian Roberts and substantial shares within the cable firm.

Then our cellphone rang once more. A unique Xfinity agent was on the cellphone. A person named Jake (how did my spouse resist asking him what he was sporting?). The primary agent had apparently been banished to an deserted island off the coast of France. Jake failed to enhance the scenario and shortly he, too, was disconnected. Hmmm? One more name ensued. Forgive me if I’ve forgotten the title of the girl who changed Jake. Throughout this name, either side confirmed indicators of weariness. The lady requested that we confirm the serial numbers on each our modem and the 2 cable containers. There was a slight drawback.

We have now the modem and one of many cable containers located in such a manner that we should transfer heavy furnishings to get to them. At this level, Fran exploded like a NASA rocket in warmth. She rose up on her toes and demanded a go to from an Xfinity technician, after insisting that he be “totally vaccinated.” It was at this level that I lastly made my presence felt. I hitched up my denims — I look remarkably like Kevin Costner in YELLOWSTONE once I do this. Checked my desktop pc and — marvel of wonders – I had web service. In my front room, our TV got here alive. The bed room TV got here on simply as my spouse discovered a brand new profanity to hold on Brian Roberts. I motioned to her to get off the cellphone whereas we had been forward. All the pieces was working once more. Immediately, her newest cellphone name with Xfinity was dropped once more earlier than she might inform them every thing was mounted.

It was the next day. My spouse was on the point of name Xfinity once more. She needed compensation for yesterday’s fiasco. I delayed placing in my listening to aids. Alas — at that second we found that our landline service was out. So was our web. And so had been our two TVs. Magically, a brand new Comcast day was instantly upon us. This expertise was attending to really feel like we had been doing the Stations of the Cross.

My spouse was on the cellphone with Xfinity. We thought the brand new rep launched herself as “Kevin.” “No, my title is Heaven,” she stated, “you understand the place God lives.” Who says Xfinity doesn’t have a way of irony? A nice dialog ensued between Fran and Heaven. It seems Heaven was positioned within the Philippines, not likely the place God lives. There was some dialogue concerning the high quality of the sugar crop in these islands these previous few years. Fran lastly negotiated an inexpensive deal for compensation.

That was not the tip of the story. Two days later, the premium channels we had been paying for went darkish. It took me three extra hours to resolve the issue. This time the Xfinity rep saved me some cash over my authentic invoice.

Your complete course of took the higher a part of 4 days. And heavenly intervention.

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